i guess it's not so bad after all

it seems that when i have exams, i can't think of anything else but the stress of it all.
sorry about the short break from writing, but i really had to study this weekend and haven't been online much.
i'm currently listening to don't want to cry by pete yorn, and if anyone wants to check out his music, here is the link:

http://peteyorn.com/main.html

i'm not sure i did so well today on my exam, but i'll keep my fingers crossed. it's a class that i have an A average in, so i'm hoping to keep that average.

one more mid term on thursday and a paper due on Friday and i'm free from midterms .

reading: the unquiet mind.

today was a good day, i was able to help a friend a little...
i also wish my brother would come visit, so james if you're reading this, visit meeeee :)

a funny thing happened

hmm..
today has been interesting...

i woke up and realised that the landlord has the heat on so strong i could not so much as walk around indoors without starting to sweat, let alone exercise...so i decided to go for a jog in the park.
no frost bite this time. i jogged 4km before heading back.

ran to class (i love my thursday classes, they're great) and listened intently for 4 hours.

attempted to study in the library but got distracted by my good friend needing some advice.
it wasn't a big deal though because i was tired and not much textbook info was getting through.
here's the funny part:
i return home at 11:30pm and franky starts cooking for tomorrow's lunch.. all of a sudden the lights start dimming...
my stove short circuited while i was cooking, the burner elements now control my tv, so i called hydro emergency services...hydro says its okay the house wont burn down, but mona's bedroom light flickered then went out so she thinks there are ghosts or spirits in the house...and is sleeping on the couch.
interesting evening.

true love

my kitten is in a playful mood right now and has decided that the only cool place to be is on my psych textbook. she also is convinced that my back and forth highlighting is for her pleasure and keeps trying to eat the pen. only when i study...only when i study. :)

tuesday..

i woke up this morning and decided it was time to trying running outdoors instead of my usual elliptical routine. i've never been very good at running, so it was more like a jog.
i headed out around noon and ran about 2.5 km's south east towards st-clair, on the beltline trail.
the avid runners and the moms with small children were out there too. oh and a lot of cute puppies.
it was pretty cold and i had only ran out in a t-shirt so i headed back when i got to the bridge at yonge and davisville. my muscles arent' so happy but the endorphins kept me in a good mood all day today.
i came home, jumped in the shower and then decided i was going to clean the bathroom. (this cleaning fettish is beginning to become a borderline obsession, which my mom would probably find to be a good thing....)
the rest of the day was filled with errands, groceries , bank, etc.
i went to see Olga , a lady who owns a holistic store (health food store) and chatted for awhile about the dangers of becoming over educated and lacking life experience (this is definitely not me, but could be if i stay in school for 10 more years...)
now i'm sitting down to study, as usual, but not before checking my usual sources for geopolitics and personal interests...
no great shows are on today...i like Law and Order SVU but not enough to drop everything to watch it...and since i have about 3 mid terms and two papers due next week, looks like i'll be forgoing my usual hour of tv tonight...

me :)

Fresh

Lunch at Fresh:

I paid for this later....as much as i love the food :( :

sunday .....

Random small dog came to say hi :)




father son: i thought this was cute...first they were playing hockey and the kid had an awesome shot....he hit me in the leg as i walking by and tried to stop the ball from flying into the lake....then they were sitting near the water...it was adorable.





Lake Side Condo's.
Lakeshore Rd.
Porter Airline
Waterfall at Expo
Building Holistic Expo was hosted in
Holistic Expo: I almost bought everything i saw :)





Along the way there....


Spring cleaning. (this place looks much better in person than in pictures it seems).




Most cluttered area of the house... (least visible and visited area).

Rachel Rae Stir-Fry (Shrimp and Chicken )

Health

Over the past few days i have done a lot to take care of myself. I know that i usually very much enjoy putting others first, but this time, my health had to come first.

I have gone through a battery of tests to make sure i am healthy.
I have contacted a lady who specialises in organic whole foods and vegetarian cooking to start lessons.
I have walked in nature, walked, ran and walked some more (elliptical)
I have left my car at home and taken transit to let my body have more exercise.
I studied outdoors under a gazebo in the sun.
I have cooked a stir fry and it turned out right.
I bought hockey tickets to see the habs and leafs play on april 4th.
I chatted with family and old friends for awhile.
I hugged my loved ones
:)
Today is a tough day emotionally, but i am embracing it and moving on through.

Lab Rat for a day

Today I was at the doctors from 9am to 3pm for an annual physical. I had a pelvic, chest and abdominal ultrasound, (to rule out PCOS which may be preventing me from losing weight as quickly as i'd like), a CBC, a full physical, blood tests to rule out diabetes, elevated cholesterol, hypothyroidism, etc and an Electrocardiogram to check my heart.
I didn't think the doctors would be so thorough but i'm happy that they were. I'm beat and just want to lie on the couch for the rest of the day, but still have many assignments due and mid terms coming up soon, so no can do :)
Today i will cook a specific stir-fry recipe from the Rachel Rae show. I'll take pics and let everyone know how it turns out!

Today is my ex's birthday. We spent 5 years together, and he was my first love. Young love of course , because we were only 17 and 18 when we met. I'd like to email him and wish him a great day, but have decided it's best to leave the past in the past sometimes, and just thinking of him on his birthday is probably enough.

nothing concrete today.

Last night I fell asleep at 10:30pm and slept the whole night. This hasn't happened in a very long time.
up at seven thirty according to the phone, but really , it was 8:15.
Rushed to school.
Felt very dizzy in class, so i left.
The fresh air helped a lot.
Went to get my ISIC student card from student services so i can now ride the train 30% off.
then to Financial Services to get a a form signed
then to counselling for yet another form.
trying to decide whether to keep this french class on family or choose another class altogether.
wondering when this never ending cold will disappear.
hungry.
got a car wash, inside and out.
cancelled my gym membership, as i now have an elliptical and some weights and exercise ball at home.
home now, going to eat :)

woah penelope...

A man at the gym where i used to work out once called me Penelope Cruz ...that was a nice compliment that i will never forget :)

March 14th Nature Walk :)

Staying positive

I have had a terrible chest cold for over a week now, but i'm trying to stay positive and not think about it. Yesterday I walked for three hours on the Beltline trail in Toronto and took many pictures, so i'll have those uploaded soon.

Duty

Duty:
is a term that conveys a sense of moral commitment to someone or something. The moral commitment is the sort that results in action, and it is not a matter of passive feeling or mere recognition. When someone recognizes a duty, that person commits himself/herself to the cause involved without considering the self-interested courses of actions that may have been relevant previously. This is not to suggest that living a life of duty precludes one from the best sort of life, but duty does involve some sacrifice of immediate self-interest.

I am hooked on Flashpoint. It's even cooler (a show) because it's filmed on location in Toronto. Tonight I watched a particularly powerful episode. The team has to protect a serial killer being flown in from overseas and make sure he makes it to Canadian soil for processing without losing his life to any angry bystanders. Little do they know, a retired police officer now working at the airport and a discharged navy seal officer both have vested interest in the serial killer. They have both lost loved ones by his hand. They are plotting to try and kill the man on his way from customs to the van transporting him to a psychiatric hospital.
In the end, the newest member of the SRU has to use deadly force on the retired policewoman, as she holds the serial killer hostage, because it is the SRU's duty to protect hostages. even serial killers that are hostages. Now what kind of justice is that? Just an example of how what we call "Duty" sparks much controversy.

A heart warming video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiGKWoJi5qM&NR=1

Please click the link above, or take a second to look up Christian the Lion on Youtube and i promise you'll shed at least one tear, if not many :) it's a very touching story.

My dog, my best friend.

I have posted numerous times about my dog Kimo. I think I may have even told the story about how I cried hysterically outside the Montreal SPCA at the age of 11, begging my mom to take him home before they put him down.
She didn't really want him at first, but then fell in love with him, like the rest of the family , almost immediately after we brought him home. (I often had my way as a child through sheer determination to be a stubborn brat. In this particular case my behaviour was used for good, not evil).
Kimo has been our best friend, protector and entertainer ever since. He is now 15 and a half years old and still hanging on. As i try to come to terms with how life will be different without him in the future, I came accross an article by a stranger that really hit home: (I agree with almost everything she says here) :

I would like to share an article with you from the Sunday Province Newspaper. The article is beautifully written by Sgt. Mark Tonner of the Vancouver Police department and is regarding the controversy surrounding the memorial service held for a police dog, Nitro, who was killed last week in the line of duty. Here goes…

“NITRO WAS EXACTLY WHAT WE SHOULD BE.”

“There is nothing in policing excempt from controversy. Last week we lost one of our working dogs, only to find ourselves criticized over the emotion the VPD people attach to such a creature. We’re informed, by those claiming perspective, that a dog is a tool, not a person.

We’re endlessly reminded that policing is a public profession, but the experiences are very much personal. I can guess at what PC Howard Rutter is going through, now that his dog Nitro has been run down by a train. I can speculate over what his family, and pals in the dog squad are feeling. What i can only guess is how the resulting publicity affects them.

Nitro was set for retirement, some six months from now. Arthritis was beginning to show, as it tends to with Germen Shepherds in their middle years. PC Rutter chose an early exit for Nitro, who could have easily worked another year and a half, just to ensure he had a nice run of family time.

Whatever the date, a police dog is in danger until the last minute. The same stands for those in human skin. As long as you stay in the game, you’re at risk. There are any number of people who wish you harm, any number indifferent to your survival and set on escape.

The hazards are accepted by humans, who deal with them in a variety of ways. It must be remembered that every one of us volunteered. None of our dogs signed up; they were born to breeders, introduced to handlers and trained to chase bad guys.

Don’t kid yourself they can’t tell the difference. There is more going on during a foot track than simple obedience- keep a dog in this line of work any length of time and he can pick evil characters out of a crowd.

It has been said that dogs know more about people than people do. Whatever the gift is, Nitro had it. The boy could bring down crooks all night, rise in the morning and lick smiling faces in a kindergarten class.

Are police waxing sentiment over this? It’s not like we’re hugging each other in the hallways, but make no mistake- it means something.

What I’m saying is based in respect and support for Howard Rutter, but that’s not all. There is an acknowledgement to the courage in play when Nitro went for the man fleeing by train. I’m left with the impression that Nitro would have made the attempt, even if he knew it would kill him.

That kind of devotion is a little hard to come by in humans. It exists, certainly, but what I am getting at is this: Dogs embody the virtues we encourage in people. Loyalty, courage, intergity, even gentleness. Police officers see demonstrations of canine character more than most, and are subsequently more mindful of it.

There, that sums it up. Except for a closing measure of maudlin philosophy.

I’m convinced all dogs go to heaven. Yes, I said it. They’re innocent- more than a human can ever be. Nothing in the universe ceases to exist; all energy continues.

Does that mean Nitro is chasing bad guys through sunny meadows, young and arthritis-free? Perhaps not. There aren’t supposed to be and bad guys in paradise.

Either way, I’ll stake my best on this: He still loves his master, he wags his tail when he thinks of him, and he’ll wait as long as it takes to see him again.”

Cst. Howard Rutter And P.D. Nitro.

In we stressed health over money....

We would not only be fit, beautiful creatures on the outside, but on the inside too.

We would appreciate our time on this earth more by doing the following things:
We would appreciate community and connection.
We would learn from others, not cheat others or fight others.
We'd take the time to experience the beauty of nature.
We would do what we love, not try in vain to love what we do.
We wouldn't always have to be right.
We would forgive, and have empathy, even when we don't understand.
We would take the time to hold open the door for someone behind us.
We would sleep better at night, knowing there's always tomorrow to get things "done"
We would take the time to hug our loved ones, and let them know how much we value them.
We would take the time to reach out to a stranger in need, without worrying we are losing precious "time" in our day.
We would see the best in others, not the worst.
We would live with passion and confidence.
We would value exercise as one of the most powerful healing and prevention drugs, and make it as important as sleeping and showering.
We would value nutritional foods, such as fruits and veggies, and stop poisoning our bodies with toxic chemicals, refined sugars, alcohol and drugs.
We would realise how easy it is to lose, and strive to appreciate every moment we are alive and well.

In the end, our bodies, minds, souls, health care system and eco system would thank us. It is too bad that we are driven by a desire to become well off, at any cost. This isn't an individual problem it is a global one. We need money to even do good things for others. Unfortunately, we don't need as much as we want. That's where the line should be evaluated and drawn.
I say this and am still not very good at practicing all these ideals. I just thought of throwing them out there as a reference point for me and for others.

Justification for Higher Education

This vision board seems awfully materialist, but let me explain: I would like enough money, not to be rich. I would like a home in a nice area, and the home can be small, as long as it's near a lake or other body of water, in a safe area with a good school near by, and near my family. The children on this board represent my strong desire to make a difference in the life of a child, namely adopt, sponsor or be a guardian, as well as have my own children.
The other vision is my masters degree, or to become an M.D. in Psychiatry. To be as healthy (and inevitably sexy) as Jennifer Aniston and to marry a loving person that shares the same values as i do. Oh yes, and to be able to enjoy nature, i'd like to be able to visit Greece, at least once, and by boat, if i cannot afford to buy one. I do have one luxury item on this board, and that's my Audi S6. The reason for this is simple: my mind is pacified by driving, and i think that if i could have been a race car driver or stunt driver, i would have been :) it's one of my passions.
The rest of my goals lie in being a good mother, daughter, friend , wife and to learn to dance and to surf....

Last week .

Angels

My friend lost his mom to Cancer yesterday, after her short but always nightmarish battle. My heart goes out to him and his family.
There are really no other words.

Matthew Good- 99% of us is failure.

Blackbird come the break of day
You swallow the shit that people say
Walk outside look at the sky
Ask it to fall or tell you why

"Outside ideas of right doing
And wrong doing,
There is a field.
I'll meet you there."

Difference.

It's been awhile and i do apologise. Sometimes i forget to write. Sometimes i need to write in a more private place. This week has been a bit about self-discovery through reading. I received great marks for my classes this semester and i couldn't really ask for more. At the same time I found a lot of answers to past questions that had been lingering. Answers that bring forth a lot of vindication, much understanding, and a bit of frustration. I know that my way of thinking and living will always be different from the norm, and i'm generally happy with that, but sometimes, it's awfully frustrating to be different. I did learn a lot about my creativity, perserverance and genuine intuition this week, and how to make the most of my difference. I am lucky to be who i am, surrounded by people that care very much. I am lucky because I am healthy and somewhat gifted, and a bit eccentric.I am unlucky because i have trouble focusing attention on the mundane, putting my ideas into action, sleeping and waking, and organizing. In order to compensate for the negatives of my difference, i leared to master what i'm good at, instead of trying to become great at something i am bad at. Mastery as progress, not mastery as perfection. I learned the importance of picking a mate that sees the best in me and brings out the best in me, instead of trying to form me into someone i'm not. I will always be restless without chaos, without constant change, without noise to drown out my thoughts at times, but it is far more manageable than it was once. As Romy Shiller put it in her book "I know I am the type of person that manifests a difference" "Difference is something that most people avoid, fitting in becomes a goal". "Personally I think difference is valuable but sometimes quite lonely."It’s the same that irks me". "Probably why I have a hard time with societal norms." "I ask myself if it is possible to be textured and layered and be consistent? I do believe finally, that these aspects exist in most of us harmoniously." ....
To difference, the positives it brings, and the manageable consequences.