after 37 pounds lost...

i knew i could do it...half way there.

good advice.

i need to pay more attention
i need to learn to dodge bullets
i need to figure out how to say no
i need to stop getting myself into these messes
i need to stop caring about why
we all have our reasons

AR

things often don't look so bad
until you get a closer view,
until you've been around long enough to start to notice details
a room in paradise
with a view overlooking hell...
i walk fast
and become invisible

never sure which way is up
i went to the top
looking for that place i see in my dreams
the sign was there (lillie hitchcock coit)
but it wasn't quite
i stood dizzy above the clouds
i rode the bus down with the pink lady
i forgot that i look okay with a tan

finally found the copy of nine stories i have been searching for
bought it in the store where the beat poets used to hang
so much dancing on these streets
i read and write in snapshots lately

tomorrow i will go to the ocean
to the beach where the rocks of love came from
mysteries to unfold
there is this space full of the unknown
i will follow...

Breakups

It is so easy to say that there are more important things in life than relationships, and that their are far less privileged people in the world, but when it comes down to it, it isn't easy to say goodbye to someone you are used to and love. I find people with strong families make it through a little bit easier, but goodbye is still difficult, no matter the circumstances. Some have set their mind to never getting too attached to anyone, so that if it doesn't work out, they can continue on as if nothing happened, but my heart has never allowed me to be one of those people. I see the best in people and I especially see the best in people when the relationship is over. Your mind has a hard time remembering the bad times, when you're about to lose all sense of security for awhile.
Everything screams at you that it's for the best, that being alone is the right choice, but it's a heartbreak to put it into practice. You never know for sure if you're being selfish or if you've made the right choice, until the emotions settle. The risk of realising you made a mistake is a big one to take, and remembering that their will be others never works when you know that their were many good times in your relationship. ....
sigh.

MG

Matthew Good on homelessness in the vancouver downtown core....and the way it is handled by the rich and priviledged.......

Out of the alleys
Our needle strewn fields
Into the sunlight that the brochures reveal
Like snake come for rabbits and rabbits for meals
Where the oar and axe flies

Well this is our story (stick to it)
But it ain’t the truth
Because the truth’s just for liars
That need an excuse
Around here love’s a gangster
And charity’s the proof
Where God deals on Sunday’s
Under a rain burning roof
It’s five blocks a universe
And aliens for each
Like invisible ghettos of privilege and grief
And pinned up between them the carrion fly
Living off skeletons of recycled lives

This is the place you find out
Well this is the way you find out

We all live downtown
Pay two even, no parking
Live with a clown
Step over ourselves

We all live downtown
Pay in blood, no parking
Sleep on the ground
Step over ourselves

We all live downtown
We all die downtown
Step over ourselves

Well this is our story (stick to it)
But it ain’t the truth
Because the truth’s just for liars
That need an excuse
For a king crown a banker
The queen crown a noose
Like heirs to a graveyard where the dirt’s always loose
It’s five blocks a universe
And aliens for each
Like invisible ghettos of privilege and grief
And pinned up between them the carrion fly
Picking off skeletons under a big northern sky

This is the place you find out
Well this is the way you find out

We all live downtown
We all die downtown
Step over ourselves

Dubai June 2009.

scent of jasmine
it gets cold in the desert at night

i think of you often
as the fierce wind dances in the sun

there is so much i should say
but you already know
and i'm the kind of tired that comes from being outside

we talked today about possession, cannibalism, power
there is no present without the shadow of memory

raspberries
and scarves in june
salt from oceans far away
i tried to be perfect
full moon birthday (you can see it in my eyes)
and a solstice sunset
mysteries and the value of questions
you say i'm a dreamer...
the force of wishes can nearly knock me off my feet

i walk
i sit
i listen
i watch
i take

Family :)